Is It OK to Back Out of a Date?

McKenna says: Today at lunch, Jason asked me to go to the eighth-grade Valentine’s Day Dance with him. Everyone was watching, so I panicked and said yes. The problem is, I don’t actually like him like that. Plus, I hardly know him! What should I do?

McKenna says: Today at lunch, Jason asked me to the eighth-grade Valentine’s Day Dance. People were watching, so I panicked and said yes. But I don’t like him like that. I hardly know him! What should I do? 

McKenna says: Today at lunch, Jason invited me to go to the eighth-grade Valentine’s Day Dance with him. Everyone was watching, so I panicked and said yes—but I don’t actually like him like that. I hardly know him! What should I do?

Jamal says: Go with him.  

    You’ve already said yes, so you should go to the dance with Jason. 

    You don’t want to go back on your word. Changing your mind now could really hurt Jason’s feelings.

    But don’t worry! It’s possible to keep your word and be clear about how you feel. Tell Jason that you felt a bit pressured into saying yes. Say you’d like to go with him but just as friends. (That way, maybe Jason can learn a lesson for next time: It’s not cool to ask someone out in public.)

    A lot of kids are going with friends, so you can bring Jason into your group once you’re there. It will take the pressure off! Plus, you never know how you’ll feel once you get to know him better. Jason’s in my art class, and he’s really funny. Maybe you’ll end up having a great time together!

Jamal says: Go with him.  

    Now that you’ve said yes, you should go to the dance with Jason. You don’t want to go back on your word. Changing your mind now could hurt Jason’s feelings.

    But don’t worry! You can still be clear about how you feel. Tell Jason that you felt a bit pressured into saying yes. Say you’d like to go with him but just as friends. (That way, Jason might learn a lesson: It’s not cool to ask someone out in public.)

    A lot of kids are going with friends, so you can bring Jason into your group once you’re there. It will take the pressure off! Plus, you might like Jason once you get to know him. He’s in my art class, and he’s really funny. You might end up having fun with him!

Jamal says: Go with him.  

    You’ve already accepted Jason’s invitation, so it would be impolite not to go to the dance with him. By changing your answer now, you could really hurt Jason’s feelings.

    But don’t worry—it’s entirely possible to keep your word while also being straightforward about how you feel. Tell Jason that you felt a bit pressured into saying yes, and that you’d like to go with him but just as friends. (That way, maybe Jason can learn a valuable lesson: that it’s not cool to ask someone out in public.)

    Plenty of people are going with friends, so you can make things more comfortable by including Jason in your group once you’re there. Besides, you never know how you’ll feel after getting to know him better. Jason’s in my art class, and he’s hilarious. Maybe you’ll end up having a wonderful time together!

Syd says: Be honest. 

    That was so awkward when Jason asked you to the dance in front of everyone. I don’t blame you for panicking and saying yes! It wasn’t very thoughtful of Jason to put you on the spot. That’s why I think it’s OK to change your mind and say no. 

    Just last week, you told me that you were excited to go to the dance with Priya and Maddie. Why should you put Jason’s feelings above yours? If you want to go with friends, you should go with friends.  

    So here’s what I think you should do: Tell Jason the truth. Do it in a gentle way. Say, “Maybe we can all hang out once we’re there?” To me, it’s kinder than going with him if you don’t really want to. This is a great opportunity to speak up for yourself and be honest. I think it will make you feel proud!

Syd says: Be honest. 

    That was so awkward when Jason asked you out in public. I don’t blame you for panicking and saying yes! It wasn’t very thoughtful of Jason to put you on the spot. That’s why I think it’s OK to change your answer.

    Last week, you told me that you wanted to go to the dance with Priya and Maddie. Don’t put Jason’s feelings above your own. If you want to go with friends, you should.  

    So here’s what I think you should do: Tell Jason the truth. Do it gently. Say, “Maybe we can all hang out once we’re there?” To me, it’s kinder than going with him if you don’t really want to. This is a great chance to speak up for yourself and be honest. I think it will make you feel proud!

Syd says: Be honest. 

    That was so awkward when Jason asked you to the dance in front of everyone. I don’t blame you for panicking and saying yes—you must have been embarrassed! It was inconsiderate of Jason to put you on the spot, so I think it’s understandable if you want to change your mind and say no.

    Just last week, you told me that you were excited about going to the dance with Priya and Maddie. Jason’s feelings are no more important than yours, so you should go with your friends if that’s what you want.  

    The best solution is probably to tell Jason the truth as respectfully as possible.For example, you could say, “Maybe we can all hang out once we’re there?” In my opinion, being honest is kinder than going with him if you don’t really want to. If you speak up for yourself and communicate openly, I think you’ll feel really proud!