Elena says: Rose and Shane got into a big fight on the bus yesterday. I didn’t see how it started, but they both ended up saying some really mean things. Now they’re each trying to talk to me about it and get me on their side. Should I step in or stay out of it?

Elena says: Rose and Shane had a big fight on the bus yesterday. I didn’t see how it started, but they both said some really mean things. Now they’re each trying to talk to me about it and get me on their side. Should I step in or stay out of it?

Elena says: Rose and Shane got into a major fight on the bus yesterday. I didn’t see how it started, but they both ended up saying some very nasty things. Now they’re each trying to discuss it with me and get me on their side. Should I step in or stay out of it?

Hayden says: Step in—carefully.

    Sometimes people are too close to an argument to see things clearly. That’s why it can be helpful for someone else to step in. Rose and Shane are really upset. As a neutral friend, you can remind them to take time to cool down. If they don’t, they might do or say something they’ll regret.

    The truth is, getting involved doesn’t have to mean taking sides! After all, you didn’t even see the whole fight. But if they come to you, listen. Support their feelings without commenting on the argument. You can say something like, “That sounds hard. Have you told them how you feel?” 

    I also think it’s fair for you to be honest with them about your feelings. You, Rose, and Shane have been besties since second grade. Tell them how much that friendship means to you. Hopefully, it will remind them not to ruin a good thing over one bad fight.

Hayden says: Step in—carefully.

    Sometimes people are too close to an argument to see things clearly. That’s why it can be helpful for someone else to step in. Rose and Shane are really upset. As a neutral friend, you can remind them to take time to cool down. If they don’t, they might do or say something they’ll regret.

    Getting involved doesn’t have to mean taking sides! After all, you didn’t even see the whole fight. But if they come to you, listen. Support their feelings without commenting on the argument. You can say something like, “That sounds hard. Have you told them how you feel?”

    You can also be honest about your feelings. You, Rose, and Shane have been besties since second grade. Tell them how much that friendship means to you. Hopefully, it will remind them not to ruin a good thing over one bad fight.

Hayden says: Step in—carefully.

    When people are too close to an argument to see things clearly, it can be helpful for someone else to step in. Rose and Shane are really upset. As a neutral friend, you can remind them to take time to cool down in order to avoid doing or saying something they’ll regret.

    In reality, getting involved doesn’t have to mean taking sides—after all, you didn’t even see the entire fight. But if they come to you, listen and support their feelings without commenting on the argument. You can say something like, “That sounds difficult. Have you told them how you feel?”

    I also think it’s fair for you to be honest with them about your feelings. You, Rose, and Shane have been besties since second grade. Telling them how valuable that friendship is to you might discourage them from throwing it all away over one bad fight.

Maria says: Stay out of it—completely.

    I know it feels awful when friends are fighting. In fact, you probably feel a strong urge to fix things. But you weren’t part of the argument, and you didn’t even see the whole thing! It’s probably best for everyone if you stay out of it. 

    Think about it: Adding more people into a conflict rarely helps. Remember last year after Rachel and JJ broke up? Everyone was talking about it. More and more people started taking sides, and the drama got out of hand. Rachel and JJ weren’t even that mad at each other until everyone else got involved! It turned a small problem into a bigger one.

    Plus, taking on someone else’s problems can be draining. So can being a good friend to two people who might accuse you of taking sides—no matter how hard you try not to. That’s why I vote for saying “Please don’t put me in the middle of this.”

Maria says: Stay out of it—completely.

    I know it feels awful when friends are fighting. You might want to try to fix things. But you weren’t part of the argument. You didn’t even see the whole thing! It’s probably best if you stay out of it.

    Think about it: Adding more people into a conflict rarely helps. Remember last year after Rachel and JJ broke up? Everyone was talking about it. More and more people took sides, and the drama got out of hand. Rachel and JJ weren’t even that mad at each other until everyone else got involved! It turned a small problem into a bigger one.

    Plus, taking on someone else’s problems can be draining. So can being friends with two people who are fighting. They might say you’re taking sides no matter how hard you try not to. That’s why I vote for saying “Please don’t put me in the middle of this.”

Maria says: Stay out of it—completely.

    I know it feels terrible when friends are fighting, and you might feel a strong urge to fix things. But you weren’t part of the argument, and you didn’t even witness the whole thing! It’s probably best for everyone if you stay out of it.

    Think about it: Adding more people into a conflict rarely improves the situation. Remember last year after Rachel and JJ broke up? Everyone was talking about it. More and more people started taking sides, and the drama got out of control. Rachel and JJ weren’t even especially angry with each other until everyone else got involved! It turned a small problem into a bigger one.

    In addition, taking on someone else’s problems can be exhausting—and so can being a supportive friend to two people who might accuse you of taking sides no matter how hard you try not to. That’s why I recommend saying “Please don’t put me in the middle of this.”