Neal says: Kids whisper and laugh about my best friend, Lenny. They call him a know-it-all because he always raises his hand. I want to tell him what people are saying, but I’m afraid it will hurt his feelings. What should I do?

Neal says: Kids whisper and laugh about my best friend, Lenny. They call him a know-it-all because he always raises his hand. I want to tell him, but I’m afraid it will hurt his feelings. What should I do?

Neal says: Kids whisper and laugh about my best friend, Lenny. They call him a know-it-all because he always raises his hand. I want to tell him what people are saying, but I’m afraid it will hurt his feelings. What should I do?

Helen says: Hold off.

    You care about Lenny. I get that you want to tell him the truth. But I think it might just make things worse. Put yourself in Lenny’s position. Would knowing that people were talking about you make you feel better? My guess is, probably not. 

    Plus, if you tell Lenny, he might feel like he should never raise his hand. Imagine him going quiet in class. It would be weird! Lenny loves school—it’s just who he is. As his friend, I’d hate for him to change just because some kids are mean. 

    You might think that if Lenny knows what people are saying, he can stand up for himself. But you can do that for him. Friends stand up for friends! Next time you hear kids laughing, say something. You can tell them to stop, or even just change the subject. It’s possible to be loyal to Lenny without hurting his feelings.

Helen says: Hold off.

    You care about Lenny. I get that you want to tell him the truth. But it might make things worse. Put yourself in Lenny’s position. Would knowing that people were talking about you make you happy? My guess is probably not.

    Plus, if you tell Lenny, he might stop raising his hand. Imagine him going quiet in class. It would be weird! Lenny loves school. As his friend, I’d hate for him to change just because some kids are mean.

    You might think that if Lenny knows what people are saying, he can stand up for himself. But you can do that for him. Friends stand up for friends! Next time you hear kids laughing, say something. Tell them to stop, or just change the subject. You can be loyal to Lenny without hurting his feelings.

Helen says: Hold off.

    I understand that you want to tell Lenny the truth because you care about him, but I think telling him might make things worse. Put yourself in Lenny’s position. Would you enjoy knowing that people were talking about you? My guess is probably not.

    Plus, if you tell Lenny, it might discourage him from ever raising his hand. Imagine how weird it would be if he went quiet in class. Lenny loves school—it’s just who he is. As his friend, I’d hate for him to change just because some kids are being mean.

    You might think Lenny can stand up for himself if he knows what people are saying — but you can do that for him. Next time you hear kids laughing, tell them to stop, or simply change the subject. It’s possible to be loyal to Lenny without hurting his feelings.

Tanner says: Tell him.

    Telling Lenny what’s happening behind his back might make him upset at first. But imagine if he overhears the comments one day. How would he feel if he learned you had known about them all along? I honestly think he’d be sad. Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything.

    The truth is, maybe this is something Lenny needs to hear. I’m in his civics class. You know I think he’s cool, and I would never laugh at him. But I’ll admit that sometimes it can be tricky to get a word in. He’s so fast to raise his hand every single time! Maybe he doesn’t realize what he’s doing? You could gently point it out to him. Then he might be more aware about giving everyone a turn.

    I know that Helen thinks you should stand up for him. But don’t assume that’s what Lenny wants—or what’s best. As his best friend, your job is to tell him the truth. What he decides to do with that information is up to him.

Tanner says: Tell him.

    Telling Lenny what people are saying might make him upset at first. But imagine if he overhears the comments one day. How would he feel if he learned you had known about them all along? I think he’d be sad. Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything.

    The truth is, maybe this is something Lenny needs to hear. I’m in his civics class. You know I think he’s cool. I would never laugh at him. But sometimes it’s hard to get a word in. He’s so fast to raise his hand every time! Maybe he doesn’t realize what he’s doing? You could gently point it out to him. Then he might be more aware about giving everyone a turn.

    I know Helen thinks you should stand up for him. But don’t assume that’s what Lenny wants—or what’s best. As his best friend, your job is to tell him the truth. What he does next is up to him.

Tanner says: Tell him.

    Telling Lenny what’s happening behind his back might make him upset at first, but imagine if he overhears the comments one day and learns that you knew about them all along. I honestly think he’d be sad. Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything.

    The truth is, maybe this is something Lenny needs to hear. I’m in his civics class. You know I think he’s cool, and I would never laugh at him—but I’ll admit that sometimes it can be difficult to get a word in. He’s so fast to raise his hand every single time! Maybe he doesn’t realize what he’s doing? If you gently point it out to him, he might be more considerate about giving everyone a turn.

    I know that Helen thinks you should stand up for Lenny, but don’t assume that’s what he wants—or what’s best. As his best friend, your responsibility is to tell him the truth. What he decides to do with that information is up to him.