Is It Ever OK to Lie?

Alexis says: My friend Pat has gotten really into baking. He just made his first cake and is so proud. There’s just one problem: It tastes terrible! The bottom is burnt, and the frosting is lumpy. Nobody will tell him the truth, but I don’t like to lie. What do I do?

Alexis says: My friend Pat has gotten really into baking. He just made his first cake, and he’s so proud. But it tastes terrible! The bottom is burnt, and the frosting is lumpy. No one is telling him, but I don’t like to lie. What do I do?

Alexis says: My friend Pat has become fascinated with baking. He just made his first cake and is incredibly proud—but it tastes terrible, with a burnt bottom and lumpy frosting. Nobody is being honest with him, but I dislike lying. What should I do?

Gwen says: Be honest!

    If you want to be a good friend to Pat, tell him his cake needs work. Sure, his feelings might be hurt. But how can he expect to get any better in the kitchen if he doesn’t know the truth? Making mistakes is part of learning any new skill.

    Chances are Pat knows his cake isn’t all that great. He did taste it, right? If you tell him it’s delicious, he might know that you’re lying. Then he won’t be able to trust anything else you say in the future.

    Plus, lying can get out of hand quickly. Let’s say you tell Pat you love his recipe. He might decide to make the same one for your birthday. Then you’ll have to lie all over again. Do you really want to keep eating the same terrible cake?

    By telling Pat the truth, you’re actually helping him. Just do it kindly. Say, “This is a good first try. Here’s what you might want to work on.” That’s not so bad, is it?

Gwen says: Be honest!

    If you want to be a good friend, tell Pat his cake needs work. Sure, his feelings might be hurt. But how can he get better at baking if he doesn’t know the truth? Making mistakes is part of learning a new skill.

    I’ll bet Pat knows his cake isn’t that great. He did taste it, right? If you tell him it’s good, he might know you’re lying. Then he won’t believe what you say in the future.

    Plus, lying can get out of hand. Let’s say you tell Pat you love the cake. He might make the same one for your birthday. Then you’ll have to lie again. Do you really want to keep eating the same bad cake?

    Knowing the truth will help Pat. Just be kind. Say, “This is a good first try. Here’s what you might want to work on.” That’s not so bad, is it?

Gwen says: Be honest!

    If you want to be a supportive friend, tell Pat his recipe needs improvement. Sure, he might be offended or disappointed—but he can’t improve as a baker without honest criticism. Making mistakes is part of developing any new skill.

    If Pat has sampled his cake, he probably knows it isn’t fabulous. If you tell him otherwise, he might know you’re lying and doubt your sincerity in the future.

    Also, lying can easily get out of control. If you tell Pat that his cake is delicious, he might decide to make the same one for your birthday—and then you’ll have to lie again. Do you really want to keep pretending to enjoy the same unappetizing cake?

    By offering Pat your honest opinion, you’ll be offering him encouragement and respect. Just remember to use a positive, constructive statement, such as, “This is a good first try. Here’s what you might want to work on.” That’s not so difficult, is it?

David says: Be kind.

    We all know that lying is wrong—most of the time. But sometimes, it’s more important to be nice. Pat is trying something new. He’s really excited about it. If you tell him his first cake tastes bad, he might give up on baking forever. 

    The truth is, everyone needs to tell small lies sometimes. If you were always honest, you’d lose a lot of friends. Don’t believe me? Just imagine that you are about to leave for the homecoming dance. Your friend asks you, “Can you see my zit?” You say, “Yes, it’s huge!” That may be honest, but it’s also pretty rude. There’s no way your friend will enjoy the dance when she is worried about her pimple—or mad at you!

    Sometimes, lying is the nicest thing you can do for someone. A little lie can keep the peace. It can even give others confidence when they need it most. So tell your friend Pat his cake is delicious.

    Or if you really can’t handle lying, just smile and say “Mmmmmm.”

David says: Be kind.

    We all know that lying is wrong—most of the time. But sometimes kindness matters more. Pat is trying something new. He’s excited about it. If you tell him his first cake tastes bad, he might give up on baking.

    You have to tell small lies sometimes. If you didn’t, you’d lose a lot of friends. Don’t agree? Imagine that you’re about to leave for the homecoming dance. Your friend asks you, “Can you see my zit?” You say, “Yes, it’s huge!” That may be honest. But it’s also rude. Your friend won’t enjoy the dance if she’s worried about her pimple—or mad at you!

    Sometimes, lying is the nicest thing you can do. A little lie can keep the peace. It can even give others confidence too. So tell Pat his cake is great.

    Or if you really can’t handle lying, just smile and say “Mmmmmm.”

David says: Be kind.

    Of course honesty is important in general—but sometimes fibbing is a necessary part of being supportive. Baking is new and exciting for Pat, and hearing that his first cake is a failure might make him feel so discouraged that he stops trying.

    Everybody needs to tell little lies occasionally. Absolute truthfulness can damage friendships. Imagine, for example, that you’re about to leave for the homecoming dance when your friend asks, “Can you see my zit?” Responding with “Yes, it’s enormous” might be honest, but it would also be pretty insensitive. It’ll be impossible for your friend to enjoy the dance when she’s feeling anxious about her appearance—or upset with you!

    Lying is the most considerate choice in certain situations—a minor lie can prevent an argument or boost someone’s confidence. So tell Pat he’s created a masterpiece.

    Or if you’re really uncomfortable with lying outright, just smile and say “Mmmmmm.”