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My Dad Went to Prison

More than 5 million children in the United States have had a parent in jail. Madison Strempek, 14, is one of them. This is the story of how she learned to forgive her father—and help other kids like her.

December 2019 - January 2020

By Madison Strempek, as told to Michelle Crouch

Courtesy of Family (Madison’s Father)

Dad and daughter
Madison poses with her father after winning an award for playing the viola.

When I was in kindergarten, my mom and dad got divorced. Afterward, I lived with my mom in Crofton, Maryland. But I still saw my dad a lot, and we always had fun together. We liked to watch The Simpsons. We did a lot of fishing. And we could talk about classical music for hours. I played the violin at the time, and he played the trumpet.

But everything changed on a Friday night when I was 10 years old. My mom came into my room, lay on my bed with me, and said, “Can we have a serious talk?” Then she told me the shocking news: My dad had made a bad mistake, and he was going to jail.

My smile fell to the bottom of the Earth. My eyes started to water. Then I started to cry.

I had so many questions: How could he do this? Was it OK to be mad? What will people think about me? Will I ever see him again?

When I was in kindergarten, my mom and dad got divorced. After that, I lived with my mom in Maryland. But I still saw my dad a lot. We had fun together. We watched The Simpsons. We went fishing. And we talked about music. I played the violin at the time. He played the trumpet.

One night when I was 10, everything changed. My mom came into my room and lay on my bed with me. She said, “Can we have a serious talk?” Then she told me the shocking news: My dad had made a bad mistake. He was going to jail.

My smile fell to the bottom of the Earth. I started to cry.

I had so many questions. How could he do this? Was it OK to be mad? What will people think about me? Will I ever see him again?

When I was in kindergarten, my parents got divorced. Afterward, I lived with my mom in Crofton, Maryland—but I still saw my dad often, and we always had fun together. We liked to watch The Simpsons, go fishing, and talk about classical music. I played the violin at the time, and he played the trumpet.

But everything changed on a Friday night when I was 10. My mom came into my room, lay down beside me on my bed, and said, “Can we have a serious talk?” Then she told me the shocking news—that my dad had made a serious mistake and was going to jail.

My smile fell to the bottom of the Earth. My eyes watered, and I started to cry.

I had so many questions: How could he do this? Was it OK to be mad? What will people think about me? Will I ever see him again?

Life Without Dad

At first, I didn’t want anyone to know that my dad was incarcerated. But my mom said we should tell my guidance counselor. After I talked to her, I felt better.

She gave me a journal to write in whenever I missed my dad.

It also helped to keep doing one of my favorite activities, Tang Soo Do. Tang Soo Do is a Korean martial art that teaches you to kick, punch, and block. It was a good place to take out my frustration. And believe me, I felt frustrated often.

I wasn’t sure what to say when people talked about their fathers. Mostly, I tried to change the subject. But one time at school, a boy said, “Where’s your dad?” I said, “Oh, on a business trip.” I felt bad about lying, but my mom said it was OK to keep this a secret between me and my closest friends.

At first, I didn’t want anyone to know that my dad was incarcerated. But my mom said we should tell my guidance counselor. After I talked to her, I felt better. She gave me a journal to write in whenever I missed my dad.

Doing Tang Soo Do helped too. Tang Soo Do is a Korean martial art. It teaches you to kick, punch, and block. It was a good way to let out my feelings.

I wasn’t sure what to say when people talked about their dads. Mostly, I tried to change the subject. But one time at school, a boy asked where my dad was. I said, “Oh, on a business trip.” I felt bad about lying. But my mom said it was OK to keep this a secret between me and my closest friends.

I didn’t want anyone to know that my dad was incarcerated, but my mom said we should tell my guidance counselor. After I talked to her, I felt better. She gave me a journal to write in whenever I missed my dad.

Tang Soo Do, one of my favorite activities, also helped me deal with my emotions. Tang Soo Do is a Korean martial art that involves kicking, punching, and blocking. It was an excellent place to take out my frustration—and believe me, I felt frustrated often.

When other people mentioned their fathers in conversation, I felt uncomfortable and usually tried to change the subject. But one time at school, when a boy asked where my father was, I answered, “Oh, on a business trip.” I didn’t like being dishonest, but my mom assured me that it was OK to keep the information secret and tell only my closest friends.

Visiting Prison

It was four months before I visited my dad in jail. I wanted to see him, but I was really nervous. At the prison, we had to keep going through security checkpoints, like you do at an airport. When I finally reached him, I was so excited. I ran to give him a huge hug—and nearly tripped on a chair.

After that, I went to see my dad almost every weekend. Still, it took me a long time to forgive him. He had missed Christmas, my birthday, and my solo violin recital. It was really tough.

But finally, I realized that I couldn’t be mad at him forever. Everyone makes mistakes, and prison was like an adult timeout for my dad. He was there so he could learn to never make the same mistake again.

It was four months before I went to see my dad in jail. I wanted to see him, but I was nervous. At the prison, we had to keep going through security checkpoints, like you do at an airport. When I reached him, I was so excited. I ran to give him a hug. I nearly tripped on a chair.

After that, I went to see my dad almost every weekend. Still, it took me a long time to forgive him. He had missed Christmas, my birthday, and my violin recital. It was really tough.

But I couldn’t stay mad at him forever. Everyone makes mistakes. Prison was like an adult timeout for my dad. He was there so he could learn to never make the same

It was four months before I visited my dad in jail. I wanted to see him, but I was nervous. At the prison, we had to keep going through security checkpoints, the way you do at an airport. When I finally reached my dad, I was so excited that I ran to give him a huge hug—and nearly tripped on a chair.

After that, I visited my dad practically every weekend. Still, it took me a long time to forgive him. I was really unhappy that he had missed Christmas, my birthday, and my solo violin recital.

Eventually, though, I realized that I couldn’t stay angry at him forever. Everyone makes mistakes, and prison was like an adult timeout for my dad. He was there so he could learn to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Helping Other Kids

While my dad was in prison, my mom looked for a book I could read. She couldn’t find one written by a kid with a parent in jail. So I decided to write my own book. My goal was to help at least one other kid like me.

I called my book Everyone Makes Mistakes. It has sold more than 7,000 copies. When President Barack Obama heard about it, he invited me to speak at an event at the White House. I couldn’t believe it!

After I wrote the book, people in similar situations confided in me. A teacher at school and a girl in another grade both told me their dads went to prison. It was so nice to know I wasn’t alone.

While my dad was in jail, my mom looked for a book I could read. She couldn’t find one written by a kid with a parent in jail. So I wrote my own book. I hoped it would help other kids like me.

I called my book Everyone Makes Mistakes. It has sold more than 7,000 copies. President Barack Obama heard about it. He invited me to speak at an event at the White House. I couldn’t believe it!

After I wrote the book, people confided in me. A teacher at school and a girl in another grade both told me their dads went to prison. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone.

While my dad was in prison, my mom searched for a book I could read. She couldn’t find one written by a kid with an incarcerated parent, so I decided to write my own book. My goal was to help at least one other kid like me.

My book, Everyone Makes Mistakes, has sold more than 7,000 copies. When President Barack Obama heard about the book, he invited me to speak at an event at the White House. I couldn’t believe it!

After I wrote the book, people who had been in similar situations confided in me. A teacher at school and a girl in another grade both told me their fathers had gone to prison too. It was comforting to know I wasn’t alone.

The Bigger Picture

My dad got out of jail after two years. I’m 14 now, and I feel lucky to have him back in my life. I’m also no longer embarrassed that he went to prison. In fact, I think I’m stronger because of what my family went through. It changed my perspective.

When my friends argue about petty things, I tell them to think about the bigger picture. I say, “Guys, I was able to forgive my father. Can’t you forgive each other?”

My dad was in prison for two years. He’s out now. Today, I’m 14. I’m glad to have my dad back in my life. And I’m no longer embarrassed that he went to jail. What my family went through made me stronger. It changed my perspective.

When my friends argue about petty things, I tell them to think about the bigger picture. I say, “Guys, I was able to forgive my father. Can’t you forgive each other?”

My dad was released from prison after two years. I’m 14 now, and I feel fortunate to have him back in my life. I’m also no longer embarrassed that he went to prison. I realize now that my family’s difficult experience made me stronger and changed my perspective.

When my friends argue about petty things, I remind them to think about the bigger picture. I say, “Guys, I was able to forgive my father. Can’t you forgive each other?”

ACTIVITY:
Cause and Effect

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