My Life With Autism

    Growing up, I always felt out of place. In elementary school, it was hard to make friends. I felt like I was always saying the wrong thing. I was often very tired at the end of a school day. Talking, especially to kids my own age, felt like a chore.  

    In middle school, things got harder. At age 12, I started having bad stomach aches. I couldn’t go to school. Some days I couldn’t get out of bed.

    My parents took me to many doctors. None of them could help. Then one doctor mentioned autism.

    I was confused. Didn’t autism affect the brain? Why would it give me stomach aches?

    Then I learned that many autistic people have stomach problems. Many are also more sensitive to pain.

    Could this be why I always felt so different?

    Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt out of place. In elementary school, I found it difficult to make friends. I felt like I was constantly saying the wrong thing. I was often exhausted at the end of a school day. Talking—especially to kids my own age—felt like a chore.  

    In middle school, things became even more challenging. At age 12, I started having stomach aches that were so bad I couldn’t go to school and sometimes couldn’t even get out of bed.

    My parents took me to several doctors, and none of them had an explanation. Finally, one doctor suggested looking into autism.

    I was confused. As far as I knew, autism affected the brain—so why would it give me stomach aches?

    Then I learned that many—although not all—autistic people have stomach problems. Many are also more sensitive to pain.

    Could this explain why I always felt so different?

    When I was 13, I found out I was autistic. In that moment, I cried.

    But I wasn’t sad. I was relieved. As I learned about autism, things made more sense. Having a word for it made me feel less alone.

    You might know a bit about autism. But it’s often misunderstood. Autism is something people like me are born with. Our brains develop differently. So we communicate, learn, and behave differently.

    You can’t tell if someone is autistic just by looking at them. Every autistic person is different. Some are great at holding a conversation. Others don’t talk. Some can’t live alone and need a lot of help all their lives. Others need hardly any help. Some do well in school. Others struggle with learning. All of us deserve respect.

    For me, the world often feels like too much. What do I mean by that? Autistic people can be more sensitive to things like smell, taste, sound, and touch. I struggle with loud noises. So I wear headphones when I’m in a noisy place.

    Plus, autistic people communicate differently. We might be more direct, or say exactly what we mean. This can seem like rudeness.

    Some of us struggle with eye contact. And we might not get jokes or sarcasm right away.   

    At age 13, when I found out I was autistic, I cried.

    But I wasn’t sad—I was relieved. Learning about autism helped me understand myself, and having a word for it made me feel less alone.

    You probably know a little about autism, but it’s easily and frequently misunderstood. Autism is something people like me are born with. Our brains develop differently, so we communicate, learn, and behave differently.

    It’s impossible to tell if someone is autistic just by looking at them. Every autistic person is different. Some autistic people are great conversationalists, while others don’t speak at all. Some can’t live by themselves and need a lot of support throughout their lives, and others need hardly any support. Some do well in school, while others struggle with learning. All of us deserve support and respect.

    For me, the world often feels overwhelming. Autistic people can be especially sensitive to things like smell, taste, sound, and touch. I struggle with loud noises, so I need to wear headphones when I’m in a noisy place.

    In addition, autistic people communicate differently. We might be very direct, or say exactly what we mean—and that can be mistaken for rudeness.

    Some of us also struggle with eye contact. And we might not immediately understand jokes or sarcasm.  

    Being different can be hard. It’s lonely. That’s why many autistic people mask, or hide, their autistic traits.

    We might force ourselves to make eye contact even when it’s uncomfortable. We might pretend to ignore the strong smells of the lunchroom because no one else seems to notice them.

    Masking is hard work. And many of us don’t even notice we’re doing it.

    I’ve been trying to mask less. I’m better at making friends now that I understand how my brain works. I know when I need to be alone so I won’t get overstimulated. And I sometimes prefer to “hang out” with people online instead of in person.

    My stomach pain is better too. I think the stress of feeling different was part of what caused it.

    One of the hardest parts of having autism is the loneliness that can come with being different. That’s why many autistic people mask, or hide, their autistic traits.

    That might mean forcing ourselves to make eye contact even when it’s uncomfortable, or pretending to ignore the strong smells of the cafeteria because nobody else seems bothered by them.

    Masking is exhausting, and many of us do it automatically without even noticing.

    I’ve been making an effort to do less masking. I’ve gotten better at making friends because I understand how my brain works. I can recognize when I need to be alone before I get overstimulated. And I don’t judge myself for preferring to socialize online instead of in person.

    My stomach pain—which may have been caused largely by the stress of feeling different—has gotten much better too.

    It seems like a lot of people have a narrow idea of what autism is. They picture a little kid who doesn’t talk to anyone and throws tantrums. 

    As a result, people are sometimes surprised to learn that I’m autistic. When they ask me questions, I’m happy to answer them. The more open I am about being autistic, the more people will understand me. 

    I hope to reach the autistic kids who felt the way I used to feel—alone, weird, different. I have a message for those kids. You are different, but that’s not a bad thing. You can’t change who you are. So the best thing you can do is be kind to yourself. 

    It seems like many people have a narrow idea of what autism is. They picture a little kid who doesn’t talk and throws tantrums.

    That’s not me. So people are sometimes surprised to learn that I’m autistic. When they ask me questions, I’m happy to answer. I’m open about being autistic. That helps people understand me.

    I hope to reach the autistic kids who feel the way I used to feel—alone, weird, different. I have a message for them. You are different, and that’s OK. You can’t change who you are. So be kind to yourself. 

    In my experience, people often have a very narrow idea of what autism is. Mention the word, and they picture a little kid who doesn’t talk to anyone and throws tantrums.

    Because I don’t fit that image, people are sometimes surprised to learn that I’m autistic. I’m happy to answer any questions they have for me, and I’ve found that being open about my experience with autism helps people understand me better.

    I hope to reach the autistic kids who have felt the way I used to feel—isolated, weird, different. I have a message for those kids: You’re different, but that doesn’t make you any less valuable. You can’t change who you are, but you absolutely can give yourself the kindness and acceptance you deserve.